A Reason for Writing


I am taking a break from the normal topics I have been writing about. I have not had much sleep lately and I don’t feel like researching or having to think too much about what I write.

If you have read any of my posts and read some of the recent comments. I apologize. Mostly to my brother who I have unintentionally hurt. However, I cannot suppress my thoughts. My thoughts will not end, if I stop writing. It is ironic that he thinks my views are distorted when I have been thinking the same thing about his somewhat new-found beliefs.

When I was in 3rd grade, my grandmother got me a diary. I loved it! I do not remember if I ever knew what keeping a diary was before that. In middle school, I remember having to keep a diary for English class which was also more fun and not like homework. I kept diaries through high school and up until I met my husband. After meeting my husband, I think I stopped writing as much. And it seemed that I would only write again when we had been arguing with some exceptions such as writing about my great joys of our children and about how we were overcoming our struggles. But I havent really been writing in the last 10 years until I started this blog. And my focus has changed a few times. It’s obviously easier to write about something you are interested in or passionate about. So I guess when my interests change, what I write about will change or when I feel I have run out of things to say about a particular topic.

Anyhow, I am sitting in my living room while the MTV movie awards are on, although I’m not really paying that much attention. I am grateful to my daughters for being here with me when I have been feeling very sad. After going back and forth with comments today, I cleaned my car with help from my youngest daughter and my oldest daughter, without telling her any details about my sadness, gave me some much-needed words of comfort. And as I sit here, I am thinking how grateful I am to have them and a husband who loves me as much as I love him. I have a flexible job right now and only I am stopping myself from having what I want in life.

I have this fear that I might be abandoning my brother by taking care of myself and my family first but I cannot control what he does or what he thinks, mo matter how hurtful and misguided it seems to me. I will just have to move on for now while continuing to let him know that I love him and I will be here for him. Maybe one day he will respect me for having my own beliefs instead of criticizing them and minimalizing how I choose to express my thoughts.

4 thoughts on “A Reason for Writing

  1. I said “full” brother because I also have two “half” brothers that I haven’t seen since I was 15 when our father died.

    Oh, and I see ghosts, too, and talk to them. I may need to write a blog about that.

    I don’t believe in a Judeo/Christian God. That should also be a blog. I’m more of an Ancient Astronaut theorist. 🙂

    • Hey as you can see. Haven’t been on here in awhile. Long story about my brother. I probably have some blame too but we are much better now. Had to do with his beliefs and my non belief.
      Were you and your brother close at one time? You shouldn’t give up on him if its important.

  2. What happened with your brother, Tracy? I haven’t spoken to my “full” brother in 22 years, but we are FB friends. There are a lot of issues there, like him siding with a member of our family who abused me.
    Anyway, I love this blog, and I’m following it now. Keep writing. You have an audience.

  3. I feel your heart break and pray your brother will wake up and not loose precious time. This week I lost all3 of my sisters and a niece over a fight over my mother! I can’t go into it but they are ganging up on me saying things they can’t take back! Like you I have my own family and they are what life is about I can’t control the beast of their mouth! My mother is a liar if they choose to believe the filthy crap she’s saying so be it. If you need a friend I am here and I understand how you feel

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